


The letter

by Valkyrian_Medicus



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Ava not knowing how to handle emotions, F/F, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-03-07 18:19:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13440513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Valkyrian_Medicus/pseuds/Valkyrian_Medicus
Summary: Ava has feelings she wishes she didn't. She is also stupid enough to write them down and not shred the evidence.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is unbeta'd. I own nothing. I am poor and work at kroger so please no one sue. If You guys like I might write more I am undecided. If anyone feels like betaing for me I can always use some help.

Everything always starts with a blank page and a pen tapping against it. Whether its a report I have to write or a letter that I never meant to send. Mostly its the letter. I do't know what I was thinking even writing it. I know better then to leave evidence of feelings lying around. Hell I do my damndest to make sure that the only type of emotions people think I know how to express are irritation and disdain.

It's just that these...emotions (uhg even thinking the word makes me feel itchy) were driving me crazy. I am an agent of the Time Bureau. I am a head agent at that. Not some rookie like Gary who reeks of incompetence and stale coffee. He has been tripping over himself since the owner of the most gorgeous pair of baby blues and the perfect cadence of husk in her voice seduced him and stole his key card. I know that is what happened and how those idiots got in here last time, whether I am allowed to get proof of said hijinks is not the point.

Gary should have known better. The fact that those baby blues tend to darken with emotion when the owner tells you they need you causes something to twist in your gut and makes your heart speed up at the same time. The fact the perfect husk of her voice pleading with you to stay can make your head spin and shivers go down a person's spine is also irrelevant. The fact that even I couldn't get her voice out of my head and ended up breaking protocol in order to save her is.... She needed me. She needed me to save her and I...I need her alive and messing up time, even if I can't have her as mine.

Not that I want her as mine. I am Ava SHARPE, top agent if the Time Buero. Not someone who needs other people to validate my exsisetnce, and certinanly not someone who requires others to be hers. I need no one. I am defintily not someone stupid enough to write all these conflicting emotions down in a letter cause I can't get this consctriting empty feeling around my heart to go away everytime someone I care about is in danger, or the fluttery happy feeling to go away just because of a half smirk smile.  
Except, apparently I am that level of stupid. Worse instead of shredding the evidence like any sane, intelligent person would do I put it in my pocket.And now....And now Sara has the damn letter I never meant to write to begin with. I should have never written down anything. I should have just sucked it up and let myself go insane.

She is probably sitting on that tin can she calls a ship right now reading the damn thing. Reading how pathetic I am and laughing with her band of misfit toys, while I am sitting in this damn office trying to write this mission report. A mission report for the mission we were just on together. The mission where the stupid letter that I stupidly wrote about that stupidly beautiful baby blue eyed goddess of a woman fell out of my stupid pocket where I stupidly put it. And of course Sara wouldn't give it back to me since it had her name on it. It's not like I could take it back. All I could do was use my time courier to get back here as soon as I could so I didn't feel any more mortified then I already did.

A flash of white appears out of the corner of my eye and I can feel my whole body freeze and a chill go up my spine. Fuck. Slowly, not wanting to face what I already know is coming I look up and am immediately lost in a pair of baby blues.....


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this happened. I got home and needed to write. It's a different POV and such. Sara's thought are in italics. Let me know what you think. You like it, you hate it. What you think should happen when they talky talk. To be fair it's 2:35 in the morning and I just got home from an 8 in half hour shift 2 hrs ago. I am sorry,

Sara stares down at the letter with her name on it then to the space previously occupied by the time agent trying to figure out what the hell just happened. One minute she was sorta flirting with a cute girl who really needed to get laid, the next she is holding a piece of paper with her name on it and said cute girl is gone. Honestly she had thought it was just part of a report that Ava hadn't gotten around to filing. Which, yeah weird cause it's Ava and she is the second most anal retentive person she has ever meant. She doesn't talk about the first person. Sara just shudders and tries to refocus her attention on the matter at hand. Even now, after all her assassin training, she is still a little too ADD for her own good.

Speaking of Sara's inability to focus, she glances back at the paper in her hand. She had really just wanted to tease Ava for having a piece of paper with her name on it. Mostly she had expected a little bit of flustered frustration and adorably irritated eye rolling. Squinting at the very standard issue stationary (which of course the Bureau had standard issue stationary for its agents to use) she couldn't help but let out a little huff of a laugh. In her hand was none other then a pro and con list.

Scanning over the meticulously written list Sara just became more and more amused. _Baby blues? I am guessing she is talking about my eyes. Though I don't see why that would be on a list of pros. Not when hers can go from the deepest blue to most amazing shade of green.  Hmmm nice ass? I mean yeah, but seriously? Strong leader? Nice arms? Good heart?_ _Ava what even if this list?_ Sara kept looking back and forth from the pros and cons column. It almost looked like someone had taken a ruler to make sure the lines separating the two columns would end up perfect.

The more Sara read the more her confused smirk became an amused smile. The blonde assassin had felt like something had shifted after the whole Beeboo, viking thing but reading this list was like conformation. Not because it was particularly flowery and filled with some romantic anecdotes comparing her to a summer day or some shit like that. No, it had more to do with the fact that it was literally a detailed list of observations, good and bad that someone other than her family (surrogate or otherwise) had bothered to notice about her. Hell she was sure that even her family didn't realize half of what was on the list. For Agent Ava Sharpe to notice meant something more. She could say it was her job to notice such things, but Sara was pretty sure that noticing that she sometimes seemed to flinch away from from deep reds, yet seemed fine with the same shade during others was not normal.

Full on grinning to herself Sara slipped her procured time courier out of her pocket and opened a portal to Ava's office. It was time to cash in on all the flirting, that and she really wanted to tease the time agent for writing a list, let alone carying that list in her pocket. Staring at tense shoulders Sara quietly walked to the edge of the desk and leaned her hip against it. It was all she could do not to laugh at how quickly the other woman turned her way.

Seeing the slightly panicked look caused the assassin to soften a touch. She had fully come here to tease in the hopes that it would cause Ava to get frustrated and they would eventually end up making out against the desk. Seeing the ill concealed panic that was trying to take over the tough as nails Agent, Sara melted completely. Her eyes had become darker and she reached one hand out to brush a stray hair behind Ava's ear.

"Hey there. I think we might need to talk." Sara used the gentlest voice she could. She may have come to tease and maybe she still would later, but right now a different approach was in order. Who knew maybe she would still get her desk make out session either way.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this happened. I was already to go to bed after work. I was in my bed all nice and half asleep. And the first line of the chapter hit me like a train and I had to write. I called my best friend and she told me to finish it later and go to bed so I won't be tired for work tomorrow. Clearly that happened since I finished this one. I hope you like. Don't know where I am going with this but hey, do any of us really know where we are going with anything? Sorry for all mistakes. Still unbetad. Still written and posted at stupid o clock in the morning.

"You may not be the husband type but you are definitely girlfriend material," Sara whispers with a smile as she steps back from a heavily blushing Ava. Really she didn't even know Ava could turn that color. It seems like Sara learns more an d more about the time agent every day. Like how she prefers vanilla chapstick to cherry. She is really bad at solitaire, even when she tries to cheat and most importantly even though she likes to make sure everyone knows she is the top agent at the bureau she is actually incredibly insecure about her self worth.

It's been a couple weeks of Sara and Ava learning about each other outside of their rolls as badass, rules are important time agent and rebel time captain of a ship full of dysfunctional wannabe legends. It turns out Ava is even more socially awkward then she had ever let on. Sara can't help but smile at how Ava can go from Agent badass to awkward turtle in less then a second. Especially when she looks up at the taller blonde through her lashes. It normally leaves Ava muttering about baby blues and looking more then a little lost.

Not that Sara doesn't have her own dazed moments when it comes to Ava. Mostly Sara is forcing herself to actually slow down and get to know the fascinating woman underneath the pant suit, instead of simply trying to get her out of it. That is not to say she doesn't enjoy teasing the easily flustered woman. Really the taller blonde just makes it too easy. All it takes a brush of a hand here, a smirk and compliment there and Ava is a confused blushing mess. Which leaves Sara both pleased and a little concerned about exactly how low of a self esteem Ava has been hiding behind her Agent Sharpe persona. More importantly who hurt her girl to give her such a complex. They had touched on the fact that Ava hadn't been in a relationship in a while, or even allowed herself to be interested in anyone but she wondered exactly what happened to cause the woman she was getting to know to become so closed off when it came to her emotions.

Not that Sara is one to talk. After the whole dieing, coming back to life without her soul, getting her soul back and so on, Sara hasn't been the most in touch with her emotions. She is all about expressing one self and encouraging women across time to live their truth. That doesn't mean she is that great at doing more then kissing or having sex with someone attractive and moving on. Case in point the whole Alex Danvers thing. That being said maybe Ava just happens to be that someone more that can challenge her. Ava can already take her in a fight, both physical and verbal. She is fun to tease. She is loyal. Not dumb and loyal like she had once told said woman she likes. She is intelligent in ways that makes Sara want to know all of the knowledge hidden behind her greenish blue eyes. The fact she is hot as hell and so easy to rile up is just a bonus.

So caught up in her own swirling thoughts and sense of accomplishment over once again getting the great Agent Ava Sharpe to blush it takes her a minute to realize that she has been pulled into the taller woman. A shiver runs down her spine as she feels warm breath against her neck and ear. "If I'm such girlfriend material why haven't you made me yours yet?" The question is clearly meant as a tease. They both know that official titles or not they have belonged to each other since the conversation after the pros and cons list.

"Maybe I am just waiting for another list to spur me into action." Sara grins as Ava groans as she leans her weight against the shorter woman, secure in the knowledge that she can hold her up no problem.

"Am I ever going to live that letter down?" 

"Nope." Sara pops the p as she becomes even more amused by the other woman's question. "Not least of all due to the fact that it was not a letter. It was a list. Not any kind of list. But a pros and cons list about me. As a person."

"It was a letter...that had the appearance of a list." Ava pouted, honest to god pouted. Sara couldn't help but laugh at how adorable her badass agent was being. "It had emotions and everything."

"Stating that you like how I do something or dislike how I do something in list form does not a love letter make." Sara laughs again as Ava's pout gets bigger and just kisses her cheek.

This isn't the first time since the conversation she has teased Ava about her 'letter'. Although she must admit she is glad that Ava wrote it. It opened a window for a very interesting conversation that has lead to the best and least lonely couple weeks she has had in a while.

******* FLASHBACK*******  
"Hey there. I think we might need to talk." Sara used the gentlest voice she could. She may have come to tease and maybe she still would later, but right now a different approach was in order. Who knew maybe she would still get her desk make out session either way.  
Ava could only look at Sara with panic. She did not want to talk. Every time anyone wanted her to talk it usually meant something bad had happen. Her parents wanted to talk...about which house she wanted to live in after the divorce when she was seven. Her father wanted to talk...about how maybe she should think about spending more time at her mom's since he was really busy with work and she deserved to be with a parent who had more time for her. She was thirteen and his new trophy girlfriend didn't' like the ugly overweight teenage daughter who was only seven years younger then her. Her mom wanted to talk...about the reason she was loosing all her hair was because she was doing chemotherapy and didn't want to worry Ava cause the blonde had just enrolled in the naval academy and she didn't want to stress her out more. Her superior in the marine squad she had been in her last two tours needed to talk...about how badly the shrapnel had damaged her body of there last mission and that the paperwork was already getting put through to honorably discharged. Her fiancee needing to talk...they just weren't in the same place anymore and they should take a break.

That last one was right before joining the Time Bureau. Ava hated when people said they wanted to talk in that gentle voice that really meant they were about to let Ava down. "No we don't." She tried to force her voice into sounding normal and not like she was panicking. Waiting for another blow. "It's nothing. The paper is nothing. Just a letter that was never meant to written about emotions that shouldn't exist. It's fine. I'm s fine. It's whatever"

Ava tried to get away from her desk, but found herself pushed gently down. Honestly she didn't know Sara could be gentle with anyone who wasn't one of her wannbe legends. "it's not nothing. " Sara says firmly. "You clearly spent a lot of time writing this...letter?...Seriously are we calling it a letter? Cause really it's just a list of things you notice about me in columns marked pro and con." Seeing the look cross Ava's face Sara imminently back tracked not wanting to upset her. "Okay going with letter for now," She muttered quickly before continuing "Your letter means something. It means you have been paying a lot closer attention them I thought you were."

"It's my job to pay attention." Ava tried to defend, but the excuse sounds weak even to her.

"To the way my eyes sparkle when I am up to something? To how kind I am when I think no one is watching? To the compassion that I have for others? To the way my ass looks in leather?" Sara was trying to be good and keep calm. Try and put easy at ease even a little but couldn't help but add the last one.

Ava for her part just sunk into her chair. She knew she couldn't justify how much you watched Sara. Even with the old excuse of trying to make sure the legends stay out of trouble. "I'm sorry I made you feel uncomfortable." Looking down at her hands she just hopes that Sara will accept her apology and just go away so she can slink away and nurse her embarrassment.

Callused fingers brush against her cheek and move under her chin. "I'm not uncomfortable and you aren't listening. I'm more then flattered you like my ass." Sara winks but doesn't let go of Ava's chin or let her look away. "I like you Aves."

"What?" Confused blue green eyes stare into baby blue trying to comprehend what the words spoken even mean.

"I like you. I would like to date you. I would really like to kiss you. May I kiss you pretty girl?" Ava can only nod before full lips brush against her own before adding more pressure. Her eyes have already fluttered closed without her knowledge and she kissing back before what she is sure must be a dream can end with her in her bed, alone, again.

"Open your eyes Aves." Sara smiles as Ava shakes her head stubbornly.

"No. I can't deal with waking up from another dream of finally getting to kiss you and it not being real."

"Dream about kissing me a lot have you Agent Sharpe?" Sara's voice is nothing but amusement as she looks at the other woman, her smile now firmly a smirk.

"Can you ever just not tease or try to goad me into something can you Captain Lance?" Ava tries to sound exasperated really she does. But its very hard when all she wants to do is go back to kissing.

"Nope. It's just part of my charm." Ava rolls her eyes at those words and is about to retort but Sara is kissing her again and she really doesn't care about much else after that.

*******END FLASHBACK*******


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Really I just wanted to give some background on the Ava backstory in my head in this chapter. I put a lot in the story but I also wanted to share my head cannon that brought this chapter to life. I put those at the end of the story in case anyone wants to read the,. Triggers for mild child abuse (a little girl but Ava stops her form getting hurt) Still unbeta'd. Tell me what you think and how you like my head cannon. Like I said this is really just giving you back ground and filler

Ava sat up covered in sweat and gasping for air. The sheets now pooling at her waist felt like too much and not enough. She wanted to pull them over her head so she could make all the lights still dancing in front of her eyes from the latest nightmare disappear. Nightmare seems too light a word for the horrors that came for her at night though.Making her relive what her scars never let her forget.

Sitting on her bed she was torn between the desire to hide away from the world and the desire to get up and never stop running. To just leave everything and everyone behind. She had worked hard to regain and reclaim her body. Making it even stronger then it was before she got hurt. She could run for miles, maybe even give Forest Gump a run for his money. Taking a moment Ava forced herself to steady her breathing and heart rate like they taught her in training. Kicking her sheets off and walked to her dresser to pull out some work out shorts and a sports bra she decided that a run wouldn't be too bad. Even if she wasn't allowed to run as far as she wanted to right now. Striping out of her sleep shirt and into the new clothes she walked to the living room to grab her shoes.

Ava could still feel the sweat from the night terror and desperately wanted to remove all proof of how much it had effected her off her body, but knew that she needed to be moving more then she needed a shower right this minute. She could wash when she got back from her run. The marine (once a marine always a marine whether serving or discharged) needed a reminder that while her flesh had been scared and muscles torn, it had healed. She had healed, at least physically. 

It has taken nine surgeries and countless hours of physical therapy to get to the point where she was now, but Ava had been determined. The shrapnel had torn through her body when she had used herself as a human shield to protect a five year old girl whose father had deemed her unimportant when compared to her fully grown brothers. The terrorist had sent his daughter with what seemed like a gift of good will to her squad when they were on patrol. It was actually a dirty bomb. Ava, unable to let a little girl (an innocent child) get hurt had pulled her into her arms and turned her away in hopes that she would be safe. That had only had warning seconds before it had gone off. She was told later that she was the only one badly hurt. The rest of the unit had been able to get to cover in time. Ava would have to, but in the end it was worth it. The child that had been sent to be a sacrificial lamb had been saved and sent to a family that would truly love and care for her.

While for the most part Ava had learned to embrace her physical scars, since they were proof she survived what many others would not have in her situation, she still was glad that the Bureau's regulation two piece pant suits hid most of it. It was one thing to show them when wearing work out gear for her run, it was another for her colleagues to see them. Strangers she could tolerate. Strangers didn't matter. People who you worked with and you needed not to abandon you didn't need to know about such things. Didn't need to treat you as if made of glass because you have some mangled flesh.

Picking up her keys from the bowl by the door and trying to shake off the thoughts and memories in her head she was taken by surprise when she opened her door only to find Sara Lance on the other side with her hand raised as if to knock. Ava could only blink in confusion for a second as she tried to process what was going on. It was that time right before sunrise and even if it wasn't very early as far as she knew Sara and her hadn't made plans to meet up or anything.  
"Sorry to interrupt your run," Sara mumbled awkwardly as she put her hand down and shuffled her feet in a very not Sara like way. "I know it's early so I am glad I'm not waking you up....I just..." Sara sighed and huffed, obviously having trouble getting words out. "There was a mission. You will most likely hear about it when you go into work.. and I just..." Stumbling again and looking mad at her inability to speak Ava could only watch in both amusement and confusion as Sara tried desperately to get her words out. As much as she found that she hated seeing the other woman distressed she couldn't help but be amused by the usually cool Captain Sara Lance stumbling over words.

Finally after a couple more minutes of watching Sara fumble she took pity on her. "I have some extra running clothes if you want to come for a run with me. Maybe help chase away whatever happened on the mission."

Sara's face became relieved as she ducked her head before looking up at Ava with a genuine smile. "Yeah .. yeah that would be nice. I just...I really needed to go somewhere that wasn't the Waverider for a second. I...I love my team. They're my family but...I feel like I am always taking care of them and...I really just wanted to be somewhere or rather with someone one who I know is strong enough to ...be what I need when I need them." 

Ava felt her heart jump and a warmth spread through her chest at Sara's halting words. She would have never thought someone as strong as Sara Lance. Rebel without a cause would think of Ava as being what she needs. Sara for her part looked scared for having admitted to the reason she was here. The real reason, not some lie to help keep her tough assassin image intact.

Reaching out Ava tentatively took Sara's hand and pulled her in the apartment and shut the door before pulling the appendage to her lips and gently kissing first Sara's palm then her wrist. "All you ever have to do is say you need me and I will be there Baby Blues," Ava said softly. Sara smiling at the endearment that Ava sometimes used for her. Before Sara could respond or ruin the moment with something about what she really needed the taller blonde dragged her to her bedroom and handed her some clothes. "Now what do you say we go for a run. Escape from all the bad for a bit."

Sara just nodded gratefully and Ava left her to get ready. The soft fluttery feeling from Sara telling her that she trusted Ava to be what she needed still there, replacing the terror from her nightmares. The strongest person she knew trusted her to be strong without knowing anything from her past, when her ex fiancee had thought her weak and not worth the effort or time it took her to get better when she had known all of it. A smile spread across her face. Maybe thats a sign. Maybe that meant she finally found a person who thought she was worth staying for.

Turning at the feel of soft lips brushing her cheek, Ava grinned at the smaller woman who was not in her clothes. "Ready for that run."

"Ready"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theme is Stay by alessa carra, fiancee was high school sweetheart/ girl she was in love with and she broke it off not long after Ava was discharged and sent home sighting that Ava had changed but in reality she had been using Ava, cheating while she was on deployment (Ava never knew until fiancee broke up with her and then people started informing her) and when Ava got hurt she saw she to actually work at something instead of just helping out. Ava has abandonment issues already due to her father seemingly caring about whatever young girl he was dating instead of her and she never recovered from her mother dieing of cancer. She was going through severe physical therapy at the time of break up and all the surgeries required so she can walk again. She refused to be nothing. Thinking that if she got better not just better then she was while relearning to walk, but better then she was even at her prime as marine she would finally find someone a friend lover someone who would stay. Rip spotted her potential and determination and offered her a job. He offered her something to prove her worth that also payed off all her medical bills. Its why his seeming betrayal over trying to fight Mallus hurt so hard. She thought he was at least a friend who wouldn't use or betray her. One that would stay


End file.
